Caffiends

This is a quick one, but it has to be posted for the immensity of the incredibility of it all. For my third ever “Things To Do Before You Die” posting, I suggest you go out there and…. MAKE YOURSELF A DAFT PUNK HELMET!

Aside from their awesome music, Daft Punk are well known for these awesome helmets that have very much developed their own cult following. You can’t get your hands on any decent copies anywhere, and as a result, one frustrated Daft Punk megafan took matters into his own hands… He spent the next 17 months painstakingly constructing a replica of Guy Manuel de Homem-Christo’s helmet, without sparing a single detail. In this video below, you can see the journey…

OK, so I missed last week’s because of a few personal issues but fear not, I have returned and I can assure you that this one if actually going to be one that gets the heart racing – I know some of you weren’t too keen on getting to your local mechanics or bookstore to buy a car manual. Never mind.

For this week’s entry thing to do before you die, you’ll need the following:

• Shoes with poor grip (I suggest them old, well healed ones with smooth heels)
• One single pound coin
• A willing friend
• Life insurance
• Gloves (optional)

Ladies and gentlemen, I shall introduce you to supermarket trolley racing!

A little different to the image above, actually. Firstly, locate your nearest supermarket. It shouldn’t be too hard for you urbanites. The larger the supermarket, the better. I urge you to pick up a basket and just stroll around the supermarket, don’t look for anything to buy, just look for the security and where they’re at. Next up, go to the trolley lane, stick in that one pound and grab a trolley. Your friend must do the same also.

You are ready. You and your friend will race each other with your trolleys around the store. The route should be around the edge of the store but detours through aisles should be considered for maximum drama and effect. It’s probably best to start away from security, so stay away from entrance/ exit. Choose a finishing line (or in some cases just blat it through the exit, into the car park and run for your lives).

3…2…1… GO! Full pelt, run with your trolley ahead. Cling for dear life. Slalom through the unsuspecting customers. Aaah! CORNER! This is where the shoes come in handy and where YouTube moments are born. Take that corner at speed, twist to the side and use your feet as the brakes. If you get it perfectly, you should be able to powerslide through that corner like a rally corner. Whilst the widest aisles are safest for this, take a risk and tackle the biscuit aisle. If you’re a true adrenaline junkie then the wine aisle is for you. You can’t afford to make any mistakes here, one slip and you’ve got £100 worth of French wine and glass falling on you.

There are some rules though. For safety purposes, no ramming the other person. No barging customers (unless you really can’t help it). And no cheating to take shortcuts. We accept no liability for anything that happens if you decide to do this.

TIP: Try taking a corner without braking, with your feet in air. Pivot yourself on the handlebar. This is risky as it could cause that wiry metal vehicle’s front end to flip up and land you a hefty lump on the head. So maybe you should put a bit of shopping in the top end to counterbalance the weight. A couple of chickens should do the trick and six pack of Relentless should do the trick.

If you do do this, please send us pictures or videos. We’ll feature them on here and you might get in our hall of fame. Happy shopping!

OK, so today is a Friday and I’ve decided to move this particular aspect of the blog (Things To Do Before You Die) to this day. Our suggestions should give you the inspiration to get up off your arse and do something this weekend. After all, it’s time off work/school and you don’t want to spend it at home, vegetating! Now, today’s suggestion is quite a small one (and definitely a random one). From reading the title of this, you’d be expecting something that would get the blood pumping, heartbeat peaking and senses overloading. Well, you’ll be in for a surprise with this one. This suggestion has actually been inspired by a certain article on The Guardian’s website that really caught my eye.

It’s the big moment. Our first ever suggestion for a thing to do before you die…

BUY A HAYNES CAR MANUAL!

-Pause-

Yeah… Go on… buy one. Oh, you want a reason? Well, I first discovered the Haynes manual as a kid. It was for the VW Golf Mk2, and it wedged between all the other books on the shelf at home. I had a slight passion for design and, to this day, a passion for being incredibly accurate. Information overload is perfectly acceptable in my book. Anyway, yeah, I took out of the bookshelf and the cover just captivated me. There was this technical drawing of the car and then I sifted through the pages. All that information! There was no way something could break in that car and this guide be unable to tell you how to fix it.

But why should you buy one? Yeah, I guess just all the pretty technical drawings and detail isn’t enough to get you to buy one. To be honest, kids, don’t buy one just yet but bear it in mind. If you own a car though, time to get your wallet out and invest. You seriously cannot underestimate the importance of one of these books. It’s great to own a car and be able to drive it, but do you know your car? With one of these books on your shelf, you will. Not only that, if your car does run into a bit of trouble, scan through this manual. If you can’t fix it yourself, scan through the manual and at least know the diagnosis. Then, take it to the mechanics, armed with your Haynes manual, and by God the reaction is going to be way different to what you were expecting. You’ll be a celebrity in that garage. You earn the respect of every mechanic out there. You can explain to your mechanic what is wrong with your car and they’ll finally feel that someone has come up to their level.

Why Haynes? Over the years, Haynes have established themselves amongst the pedigree of manual publishers and when it comes to car manuals, they can’t be topped. The dated cover jacket design is less a representation of failure to progress but more of representation of a time where a man (or woman) paid attention to their car. The car was the work horse of a family back then. If you respected it, it respected you. Those days are dying, with people being far less loyal to manufacturers and really spending less time in comparing cars. Cars are cheaper, people are richer. You can afford to make a bad decision with cars now. This simple, elegant yet dated cover shows you that the age of respect should not die. Bright blue or green, it catches the eye. White, yellow and green fonts play with your perceptions. Thankfully the font is so basic that there’s no chance of you getting confused with trying to decipher the words. Yellow. Red. Yellow. Three vertical stripes in the top right hand corner, like an insignia. Overlayed on top is the logo. Two olive branches, radiating from the base. You know this company is established, fortified in proud tradition with modern progression which is further shown by the simple isometric drawing of a cuboid with pitched top. This company is the one to trust. Follow the stripes down the side of the cover and you reach the two, most significant words of the entire manual: “The Book”. Well, what more can you say. This book is the one to trust.